Remember when you were a teenager, it does not matter how long ago it was, we all at some stage were masters of defiance, we outwitted curfews, smoked behind the bike shed and sneaked a beer or two.
Yet, Canberra’s rocket scientists of politicians have decided they can outsmart the current generation of youth with the Online Safety Amendment Bill which passed through parliament recently.
This bill, which bans social media use for anyone under 16 without strict controls, has been lauded as “world-leading legislation.” Indeed, if the world’s goal is to create the most ineffective, laws on social media access, Australia has smashed it out of the park.
Passed in a frenzy of hysteria on the last day of parliament, this legislative train wreck threatens to fine platforms up to $50 million for allowing minors access. But here’s the kicker: enforcement mechanisms don’t exist yet and when they come in will be like Australia’s prostitution, underage drinking and drug laws, mostly ignored except for blatant abuse.
Anyone who has raised—or even been—a teenager knows they’re nothing if not resourceful. So, how will our cunning adolescents get around this ban? The better question is: how won’t they?
For starters, falsifying an age on a sign-up form is child’s play to this lot, just have a look at this years crop of school leavers who are standing in your local country pub schooner in hand as if they are old bar flys.
Digital platforms are like the publican only interested in age if they are likely to get caught. Many platforms already use this outdated honor system, and it takes seconds to lie about a birthdate or use the older siblings license to bump up ones age.
Can you imagine a 15-year-old sitting out on the farm, no one at home, hesitating when logging into social media? “Oh no, I shouldn’t click 2008 because I was born in 2009.” Please. It’s like expecting a schoolie not to drink at leavers.
If the government imposes strict id they’ll turn to a thriving online black market for fake IDs, we did it when we were teenagers, just now they have access to far better cameras, printers and foreign document makers.
And when all else fails, VPNs will be the teenagers’ ultimate weapon. By masking their location, VPNs allow users to bypass regional restrictions. If you don’t know what a VPN is then don’t both asking your local federal politician as neither do they.
Just ask a 16 year old, these tech-savvy rebels will use it to access TikTok, Snapchat, or X without anyone in Canberra knowing, to them this won’t be just rebellion; it will become a game.
The irony is rich: this bill will likely create a generation of kids who are not just social media experts but also adept at cybersecurity and very comfortable breaking the law. Well done, Canberra, for teaching Australia’s youth skills that will take our kids deep into the dark web where everything and anything is available.
But don’t worry—our benevolent leaders have a solution. When teenagers inevitably bypass the rules, the government will escalate. Expect mandatory digital IDs and biometric systems plus tracking of location.
Imagine this dystopian scenario: facial recognition tied to social media accounts, the cameras already on every street corner syncing with apps, and the government logging your browsing history under the guise of “safety.” Parents, you might think you’re getting a child protection system, but what you’re really getting is a surveillance state which even China would be proud of.
This isn’t paranoia; it’s precedent. During COVID, governments were quick to track movements via QR codes. State police salivated over systems that monitor who goes where, when, and why. The social media ban is just another step down that slippery slope. First, it’s about “protecting the kids.” Then it’s about “protecting democracy, ” and before long, Big Brother will be protecting itself from what’s left of our freedom.
And for what? All this effort will yield precisely nothing. Teenagers will always find a way to outsmart adults because that’s what they do. Mind you there is nothing new over the moral panic over new technology corrupting the youth. This fear is as old as civilization itself.
The Catholic Church banned church services in anything but latin fearing they would lose control if the peasants understood what was being said. Then came the outrage over the printing press and the corrupting influence of the first works of fiction you can imagine the horror when the moral guardians of the age came to read Les Misérables, or Lady Chatterley’s Lover, all banned. Then along came jazz, rock ‘n’ roll, and television—each labeled a threat to moral decency. Movies were the next to be banned Lolita, A Clockwork Orange, Monty Pythons Life of Brian, the list goes on.
God knows how the youth of that era survived to become responsible parents today, in fact aren’t they the ones now in parliament? Or maybe they were the squares that never smoked or went to the pub underage, no wonder the country is going down hill so fast.
And let’s not forget the 1990s internet scare, when every parent was convinced chatrooms were gateways to drugs, debauchery and doom. Thirty years later the Millennials and Generation Y look alright to me, even if I don’t like their politics.
Every one of these panics failed miserably. The Bible got translated. Elvis topped the charts. The internet became indispensable. And now social media, for all its flaws, is a vital part of how young people connect, learn, and express themselves. Blocking teenagers from it isn’t just futile; it’s regressive.
The Online Safety Amendment Bill will backfire spectacularly. The responsible non rebel rural kids who rely on apps to stay connected with friends in isolated areas, will be the first to be cut off. Teens who run small businesses or creative projects on platforms like Instagram, will be stifled. Young activists who use social media to advocate for change? Even if it’s the sort of change I would never want to see imposed, it will be silenced, which means their free speech will no longer be free. We should all fight to protect this.
Even the argument that this is about stopping bullying or access to x rated material falls apart under scrutiny. Bullies don’t need Instagram; they’ll simply switch to texting, gaming platforms, or old-fashioned verbal cruelty. As for porn, just turn on the tv and watch Paradise Island, that definitely would have been banned back in our youth.
This bill doesn’t address the root causes of bullying or mental health issues or online porn. It’s a Band-Aid on a bullet wound, driven by politicians desperate for an easy headline. The day it comes law it will have a hole blown through it, by tech savvy kids who will then share their secrets on Telegram. Ever heard of that? If not, I rest my case.
And where was the Liberal Party. More focused on not being wedged in the lead up to the election than standing up for liberal values.
The Liberal Party, which once stood for limited government and personal responsibility, has been complicit in this madness, with most of the federal MPs voting for it. Whatever happened to their suspicion of state overreach? Whatever happened to trusting families to make their own decisions?
Instead, the Liberals have joined Labor in an unholy alliance of technophobia and authoritarianism. It’s a bipartisan love letter to nanny-state politics, dressed up in the emotionally charged rhetoric of “protecting the kids.”
The only question is will the Bill fail because the teenagers outsmart it, or will the bill fail because it falls fowl of Trumps tariffs.
Dis the government not pick up on Musk’s tweet that the Bill “seems like a backdoor way to control access to the internet by all Australians.”
The only question is which braggard would you believe, Trump claiming he has saved freedom with his tariffs, Elon claiming he has saved the internet, Rudd saving Albo or Albo saving Australia.
This bill is madness, and its failure will be as spectacular as its conception was foolish.
